


After Laughter

by rosewitchx



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Bucket List, Chronic Pain, Comfort Food, Coping, Depression, Disney World & Disneyland, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Gem Fusion, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Homeworld is Horrible, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Momswap, Multi, Older Steven & Connie, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rebel Diamonds AU, Role Reversal, Running Away, STEVEN DESERVES BETTER, Self-Esteem Issues, Stranded Spoilers, Suicide Attempt, Teenage Rebellion, Teenagers doing Dumb Shit, Therapy, They really try, Unethical Experimentation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, anger issues, bad times, i dunno what else to tag.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-02 13:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13319250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewitchx/pseuds/rosewitchx
Summary: The four ancient heroines slept. When the time came, when they were needed once more, they rose and defended Gemkind - and all life - from evil forces.Thousands of years later, stuck on Earth after the Great Gem War, one of them decides to leave.---or, a Roleswap AU where the Diamonds defended Earth against the Crystal Authority, and now they have to deal with Pink's aftermath.





	1. blue cuts her hair

To be fair, Blue knew it was coming.

Pink had told her what she was planning. And with  _Greg_ , nonetheless. She'd been so happy, though, so Blue had tried to feel joy for her sister.

Still, Blue felt sorrow.

She knew this much: Gems are not immortal. Even Diamonds, known to be the knights of old, the giant shields of all gemkind, knew this truth. From stardust they came, and eventually, into stardust they would turn. But now Pink, her little sister, her sweetest Pink, was going to give herself to a child instead.

How would the child be? Blue had studied humanity almost as much as Pink once had. She knew of how they grew, how they changed, how their lives ticked away before fading into the wind. They came from stardust, too, but were so different from gemkind. She knew of broken heroes, valiant leaders, and courageous folk all around their blue world, across the ages.

Would the child be courageous, taking on the fight against their Homeworld headfirst, freeing everyone from their reign?

Would they become broken, burdened by the fate Pink had left on their shoulders?

Would they know how to make their own? Would they be alright? Would they be  _safe_?

Pink asked Blue this much, one silent night under the stars. She cuddled into her big sister's hair, crying out her worries and regrets.

Blue answered: "they'll be yours, so I'm sure they'll be wonderful in every way."

The words felt bitter on her tongue.

Even now, when Pink was already gone, she still couldn't help but chide herself: she knew it was coming. She knew the child would be wonderful, beautiful, extraordinary, precious, graceful, agile, everything that Pink had been (perhaps maybe more). And she still couldn't help but cry, locked herself inside the Temple.

Everything felt empty. Everything felt meaningless. But of course: everything meant everything when the four of them were together. And now, there was only a...baby, a sad pathetic baby with an upside down, pink diamond embedded onto his navel like it  _belonged_  there, and three knights of old with no purpose whatsoever.

And she felt alone for the first time in thousands of years.   
  


 

 

Her hair was very short.

Pink's hair, that is. It used to be so short and fluffy, like a tiny cloud.

Blue decides, a year after Pink's passing, to honor her. And so, morning comes quickly.

Steven's hands play with her shoulder-length locks and Blue thinks that maybe, things can have meaning again someday.


	2. yellow swears she won’t fall

If Pink Diamond had been _anything_ , it was a graceful dancer. This...thing...is not.

Yellow remembers, somehow fondly, those now-past times. Times when their armies, the Rebels, would celebrate their small but consistent victories against Homeworld. Festive dances and joyful melodies, laughter, fun. Yellow never had much fun there, not by herself, but Pink certainly did. Her small size helped her fit in just nicely with everyone else, and Pink would shapeshift into any size: Pearl, Ruby, Agate, Emerald, Diamond. And she would always dance and invite the other Diamonds.

Blue tended to fall first to Pink's banter and seduction. She'd insert herself into the massive dances, shyly, before finding a specific Bismuth and Onyx, her closest friends outside of the Diamonds. White would follow, then, but not to dance: she'd rather spar against some Quartzes or drink some "liquor" the humans from the nearby village made.

But Yellow didn't have fun. She'd rather be doing something useful. In that, she was completely opposite from her youngest sister.

Pink would then dance with her. Slowly, away from the crowd. She'd shapeshift into a greater self, like Yellow; just themselves was fine. Sometimes, a human would watch, entranced: Yellow realizes this is how their myths came to be.

Pink Diamond would whisper into her shoulder, childish and dreamy and simply naive, "I love when we all are happy. I want to stay like this forever."

"But there's a war to be fought," Yellow would remind her. "And a planet to save."

"But wouldn't it be nice? Yellow, after all this is over, you'll dance with me like this, at least sometimes, right?"

Yellow could never say no to her, her little sister.

But this thing could _never_ be her little sister.

It screams. It wails. It waddles around ungracefully, terribly, and it can't even speak. It's small, just like her. It has Pink's fluffy, disastrous hairdo, but it doesn't have her sword skills and her charisma. And of fracking course, it shares with its mother the pink, upside down and sideways gemstone on its belly. Yellow wants _nothing_ to do with that thing.

Sometimes, though, White isn't home, and Blue is gone down again. Sometimes, the surviving Rebels are away on missions, and even Lapis is gone. When that happens, it's up to Yellow. Whether she likes it or not.

And it's one of those times when it happens.

 

 

 

Yellow talks to the toddler.

It says: "ye-ow, play."

Yellow says, vaguely annoyed: "no."

It says: "please?"

And for a second, she sees a glimmer of pink in Steven's eyes.

 

 

 

She's misjudged him greatly. 

Steven might not be gigantic, but he still is a Diamond.

He might not be as graceful, but he is even kinder than she ever was.

And he might not be Pink, but he is, in a sense, Pink.

(Besides.

Pink was small too, and she did many great things.)


	3. white runs away

When she first met Pink, White thought she was a disappointment. And because White has no impulse control, she told her so.

Often, she thinks of what could have been if she hadn't said that. She wonders in silence, traveling through burning deserts and bottomless canyons, of the things she could have prevented. The things she could have done to stop her, her little diamond.

She goes traveling a lot. Blue's so sad these days, and Yellow's— well, angry, at her, at Blue, at Pink and at Greg, so White just avoids them. She avoids everyone. Yellow tells her to "stop running away like a damn coward!". It's funny, somehow; she was the eldest, the wisest, the strongest, but Yellow just had to become the leader. It's just  _natural_  for her, the same way it's natural for Blue to befriend humans, the way it had been natural for Pink to love beyond logic.

White keeps on thinking, keeps on walking.

There are tales about her. Tales as old as time itself, say the humans, about a giant made of snow, a glittering crystal goddess, a spirit that brought fortune to small villages. The oldest of them all, dating from the war, had swayed and shifted under humanity's habit of changing up words, but its heart remained.

The ice giant and the flower goddess.

Tale of White and Pink.

It was four thousand five hundred years ago. The heaven-brought sisters pushed back the invading enemies.

The white guardian had brought the spring home, after an eternity of frost.

The valley had celebrated, dancing among the deities.

It was four thousand five hundred years ago.

Their last battle together.

The war had ended shortly after. Pink had never forgiven herself.

White wishes she'd had the chance to.

She keeps on regretting, she keeps on walking. She never looks back. 

 

 

 

She does not hate the child.

It  _just_

reminds her of Pink too much.

_((A disappointment))_

It's the way he smiles.

It's the way he laughs.

It's the way he loves everything beyond comprehension.

It's the way he cries and throws a fit when craving attention.

It's the way he understands, despite being so young.

It's the way he wants to be more.

Greg once tells her: "humans grow and evolve. It's just natural."

White replies, looking away: "it's not natural for us."

Still. She does not hate the child. She does not hate  _Steven_  Diamond Universe. She actually quite likes him.

Sometimes, she'll even take him adventuring. To white snowy peaks, to melting lava rivers, to summer dotted hills and forests reeking of spring. He'll skip around the white puffs, often slipping and falling but laughing all the same. He'll shy away from the heat, but still peeking through White's cloak to just  _stare_ into the molten rock in awe. He'll jump into the river with no hesitation, and befriend the tadpoles and fish that live in it.

White thinks, this could be good. She could make things right, she thinks.

And somehow, White hopes, there will be stories of him too.

She keeps on walking. But this time, there's someone by her side again.


	4. jasper just wants to come home to her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> despite everything, canon jasper still loved pink diamond.

When Jasper first met Pink Diamond, she didn't think much of her. Not much besides the obvious, of course.

It was understandable. It was a critical era; the Crystal Authority had overthrown the elected government union five hundred years ago, and while at first everything had gone seemingly well, things had quickly deteriorated. Then, a group of rebels had risen from a newly-made colony, making a stance against their tyrannical rule.

At first, it was only them. Jasper, Lapis, and Emerald. Then others joined in: a bunch of quartzes, rubies and topazes, pearls of all colors, everyone was welcome.

But it was obvious soon enough that they wouldn't win by themselves. So Jasper embarked on a search for the Diamonds.

It was said: the Diamonds would wake if Gemkind was in danger. So Jasper came to them, and surely enough, they rose from the floor. One was  _massive,_ absolutely terrifying; then, two gigantic ones, still shorter than the white one, and then, a very tiny Diamond in the blue one's hands.

It came to Jasper's attention then that the tiny Diamond was even shorter than her.

The Diamonds came to Earth with her. There, they fought the War alongside the Rebels.

Jasper didn't get along with Pink. At all. She thought she was, as she told Lapis one particularly bad day, "petty, and childish, and just so _arrogant_ and _irresponsible_!" And Pink, on the other hand, did everything she could to make Jasper uncomfortable. Every time they were together they became a time bomb, always ready to go off. It seemed they just could never be friends.

But the tides of war changed. And for once, the Rebellion was winning. Maybe they could actually do it. Maybe— maybe they could, someday, come back home.

And then, when everything seemed over, when the war was almost won, The Authority launched one fatal attack.

A mimic of the Diamonds' true power.

It was unexpected, it was impossible to counter. It was irreparable. It was the song of three Diamonds, composed from ancient recordings and used against them. Nothing could stand up to it.

But Pink— Pink could.

And Jasper  _looked_ at her. For once, she actually  _looked_ at Pink Diamond.

Her voice— the anguish and desperation that filled her as she sung, almost screaming, the notes to protect, the notes to deflect. The Authority had long fled, but the damage remained; she hadn't saved everyone.

Pink never forgave herself for that. Jasper knew that; Pink had told her one sunset, as they walked by the shore. The water was cold against their feet, the sand was soft and silky, and yet, sometimes they'd come across a small patch of pebbles underneath the waves. They were so far away from the Temple, but they felt at peace.

It was then when Pink had spoken. "I should have done more." Her voice had still been coarse and rough, broken by the effort she'd done. "I  _could_ have done so much more, if I just weren't— defective."  She then had kicked a pebble in frustration before plopping down to the floor.

Jasper had grunted at this. " _Seriously?_  You protected us from an attack equivalent to  _three_ Diamonds. I'm honestly surprised you didn't crack."

"It would have been worth it. For them— I would have done  _anything_. But I didn't. Because I'm not like you, I'm just—"

"Like me?"

And Pink Diamond had  _looked_ at Jasper; she'd seemed so exhausted and broken then. "Like you," she'd said, "you're perfect."

Jasper was not perfect. Far from it, actually.

But she'd appreciated it anyway, so she'd said it back. And then added, "to me, you've always been."

Pink Diamond had smiled.

It was there where Pink and Jasper, slowly, came to understand and befriend each other. Slowly, it became their secret spot. They would sometimes just sit there, atop the cliff, watching the humans develop their settlements; other times, they'd bathe between the waves. Lapis would've liked it, Jasper thought, if she actually got out of the base for once.

And Jasper thought, right there, that they would discover the secrets of the universe someday. The secrets of gemkind, of humanity, of the stars, of the cosmos. They would do it together, Pink and her, Jasper thought.

It was there where Jasper told Pink how much she loved her.

And Pink told her there, millennia later, when the war hung a little lighter from her shoulders and there were humans that had settled around the shore: the truth.

She was going to have a kid.

She was going to die. Not even break, or crack; just straight up die.

Jasper didn't say a word. For a long time, the only sounds came from the sea.

"Are you mad?" Pink's voice was small and she fidgeted nervously with her hands. She was staring intensely into the ground.  _Look at me. Look at me._

"No," Jasper said.

"Yes you are."

Jasper's fists were tight. "You don't know a thing about how I feel."  _Look at me._ Pink wasn't looking at her.

"Jasper—"

Jasper turned around and ran.

And even though Pink called out to her, she kept running.

Pink wouldn't look at her.

She hadn't been enough.

So she never looked back. 

 

 

 

Until she did.

One day, she returned, hands shaking, heart beating fast. The temple was buried in snow, as it always had been, but at its entrance sat a house that looked almost comically small when compared to the magnitude of the Diamonds' Temple.

So she walked the path to the home, and when she knocked on the door— it was Lapis who opened it.

"You're back," she said, serious.

Jasper just nodded.

Silence.

And then, "I'm sorry."

"Keep your voice down," Lapis hushed her. "Steven's sleeping."

"I shouldn't have left," Jasper said, now lower. "I should have— I'm—"

"It's alright," Lapis said, "even the Diamonds are gone most of the time."

Jasper straightened up. Jasper bit back her tears. Jasper looked at Lapis.

Lapis' hand was resting on her shoulder, drawing soft circles on her back with her finger.

Jasper broke down and cried for Pink for the first time in seven years.

 

 

 

Later, Jasper met Steven. They had breakfast together.

Jasper didn't get along with Steven. At all. She told Lapis he was just, "annoying, incredibly bratty, nothing like Pink!"

Steven had stuck out his tongue before saying "well, you're a big cheese puff!" and then proceeding to catapult a spoonful of maple syrup directly into Jasper's gem.

Lapis had to suppress her laughter. She still fistbumped Steven later, when Jasper was snoring on the rooftop and they doodled sunglasses into her face.

Because Steven was so much like Pink; Jasper just didn't realize it yet.


	5. lapis has got a migraine

It hadn't been Lapis' idea to join the Rebellion. She'd just been looking for a place to hide.

It wasn't easy being defective. That's what she was: you can't just decide  _not_ to terraform a colony only because the fish there are pretty. You have to be cynical, subjective. And Lapis? Lapis was not that. So defective she was.

The rebels were thrilled to have a Lapis on their side, even if she was a non-combatant. Emerald once told her, as she headed to her beloved Star Skipper, that they thought Lapis could probably defend the base, at least, in a critical situation.

Lapis didn't like that. But she liked Emerald, and she liked the Rubies. And she liked Jasper. So she stayed.

Jasper was nice. Not her type, though (stars, she has a type, no wonder she's defective). She was too wild, too brash. She told good stories, though. And Lapis liked listening to her stories. The Rubies would trail her in admiration: the famed Jasper of the Rebellion! The perfect quartz from the Beta Kindergarten that rose against her Authority-imposed Agate to protect her family! Some said Jasper had poofed her with just a light tap on the shoulder. Some said she'd take entire battalions of Homeworld quartzes on her own, without getting a scratch.

Of course, Lapis knew better. She'd often carried her gem within her hands, hiding her away from any curious onlookers before leading her to their small, hidden spot in the snowy surroundings of the base. Sometimes she'd reform as soon as they arrived there; sometimes, Lapis would wait for hours, even days. And often Jasper would jump straight into another battle. 

Lapis had only seen Jasper cry once, though. It was the day when the war had ended. She hadn't been there, on the battlefield, but she'd heard it,  _felt_ it with every fiber of her being. Sometimes, she still felt the static inside her head.

Jasper had always disliked Pink Diamond. Lapis didn't know her, but Jasper's rants about her could last days. So when she cried  _for_ her, saying things like "I didn't think she cared," or "she saved us all," Lapis didn't know what to think.

So Lapis began talking to Pink Diamond.

They got along, surprisingly. They used to hang out at the Sky Spire. It was nice. Lapis liked the view, Pink loved the wildlife that flourished there. Then, they began going out to human cities. They were like celebrities, like goddesses. They would spend the whole trip giggling like idiots, and would come back to the Temple struggling to carry all the little trinkets they had gotten. They didn't get to do much, usually; Pink got tired pretty easily, and Lapis had to carry her home. But they had fun! And Jasper and Yellow would scoff and Emerald and the Rubies would laugh about it. And life was good.

When she was with Pink, there was no static in her head. There were no golden specks in her gem, on her skin. There was no pain.

Until one day, Lapis went alone to the city. And when she returned, she still was alone.

Blue Diamond was there. It was the first time Lapis had seen her in six hundred years. And most importantly, she was upset; Lapis had to do her best not to cry the second she got close to her.

"Where's Jasper?," she asked. She had the feeling something terrble had happened.

"You should talk to Pink," Blue'd said instead, struggling to speak clearly.

Pink was on the Temple's tallest point, letting the blizzard freeze off her tears. Lapis flew up there, and upon seeing her, she almost rolled her eyes. _How dramatic._

Pink didn't even wait for her to sit. "Everyone's mad at me."

There was static in her head. "Duh. What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm an idiot." Lapis sat next to Pink. She didn't even look at her. "You know Greg."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm gonna have his kid."

Lapis just looked at her, absolutely serious. "And?"

Pink was taken aback by her response. "What do— what do you mean 'and'? I'm literally going to die."

_You hurt Jasper._

"You chose to, right? And you still want to, right?" Pink nodded at both her questions.

"Yeah, but—"

_You hurt everyone._

"It's your life. Don't let anyone's opinions change your mind."

And Pink stared at her in silence.

And Pink smiled sadly. "...Thank you, Laz."

_You hurt me._

And yet, Lapis was looking at the horizon, biting her tongue.

There was static in her head. 

 

 

 

Steven was nine, and there was static in her head. It had never left again. There was  _always_  static in her head, but when Steven was around, it didn't hurt as badly.

Until one night, he said, clutching his favorite stuffed animal close to his chest, "you  _feel_ weird."

Lapis had glanced at him from the kitchen, where she prepared dinner for him. "What do you mean, Steven?"

"I dunno. Like— like the TV when you turn it on and stand too close to it."

 _Like static._ And it dawned on her. And there was a pit in her stomach and a void in her chest—

_(Pink had always looked so tired around her, hadn't she?)_

_((And didn't Steven often get sick?))_

There was static in her head, and it was louder, and louder, and she couldn't stop, s _top, it's hurting Steven—_

But Steven spoke again, grumbling against the stuffed dolphin, "I like it! Feels crazy."

And throughout the static, Lapis knew it was true. Lapis knew Steven, somehow, liked sharing her pain.

And throughout the static, Lapis saw the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think Jasper and Lapis would have ended up as a "thing" if they were friends to begin with. In this universe, they're platonic. Just gals being pals.  
> This one's a bit messy. I'm sorry.


	6. emerald sees quiet nights

Emerald didn't trust Pink Diamond. She'd rather just hang out with Yellow.

Yellow _got it_. Yellow didn't put on a fake smile around her, or act like the sea of Citrines that used to follow her commands back in their Authority-led Homeworld. Yellow was cold, and serious, and Emerald appreciated that about her.

But Yellow liked Pink. So Emerald often ended up stuck with the small Diamond. They would spar, and not much else. She _had_ to admit: Pink was, at the very least, a good swordfighter.

When Jasper hated her, things were easier. Things were easier when none of them knew her, actually. Just the three of them against the universe? Emerald missed that.

But as things grew, it suddenly wasn't just them. The Diamonds attracted a lot of deserters, especially young Gems: if the ancient heroines were against the Authority, was it right to oppose them? And Emerald didn't like that. Even if the Rubies were good pilots, even if the Nephrites turned out to be decent strategists. It just _wasn't_ the same.

Sometimes, though. Yellow would map out a battlefield, and she would look at Emerald with a mischievous grin. Lapis would come around, curious, as Emerald suddenly bursted, detailing the steps they should carry out during battle. Sometimes, Pink would even stop sparring against some poor Amethyst and come see.

Sometimes, while flying around on her Star Skipper, she'd enjoy for a second the view. She'd hear Lapis and Jasper laughing through the intercom, and she'd smile before spiraling down into the battlefield.

Sometimes, it felt like it had back then.

But things weren't like they used to be.

 

 

 

One day, Emerald came to the Diamond Base.

Pink was in there. Her sword was out, and she was hacking mercilessly at one of the old dummies, yelling incoherent insults into the air.

Normally, Emerald would have ignored it; probably just another one of Pink's temper tantrums. But— the tension in the room was palpable, unusual, unlike the calm that always filled the Temple. So she stopped.

"Is something wrong?"

Pink tensed up. She didn't even look at her. " _No_."

And kept slashing at the dummy.

 

 

 

So Emerald went outside, to their secret spot, only to find a distressed Lapis. She stood upon seeing her, and quickly headed to her; she was obviously worried. There were golden spots all over her skin, and even golden bands on her wrists, and her voice sounded frail, cracked; Emerald had never seen her like that before, even when she fought with Jasper. And speak of the devil.

"Is Jasper with you?"

"Obviously _not_. Is something the matter, Lapis?"

"No." Lapis looked away, deeply concerned. "Yes. I mean... she fought with Pink, and still hasn't come back."

"Oh." Emerald paused. "Would you like me to go look for her?"

"I— I — yes. If — if it's not any trouble."

So Emerald got into the Star Skipper and looked.

And looked.

And Jasper was nowhere to be found.

 

 

 

So eventually, she came back.

Pink Diamond was dead.

There weren't shards in her place.

Just a human child with curly hair and light eyes.

 

 

 

The remaining Diamonds were devastated. Lapis was the only one stable enough to care for the child, but even then it would never be the same.

Emerald stayed. For a while, at least. She'd promised Lapis she'd find Jasper, after all. And she wanted to find her. She'd find Jasper and kick her ass. But while she stayed, she cared for Steven.

 _Steven_. What a name.

 

 

 

Emerald was gone in irregular intervals. Which didn't really matter; Lapis would wait for her forever if she had to, and Steven was just so young, he probably wouldn't remember how long it had been since her last visit.

Eventually, Lapis told her to stop looking for Jasper.

"No," Emerald said. "I will kick her butt."

Steven, turns out, was a sweet little bundle of joy. 

 

 

 

But then, Jasper found her way back.

Emerald saw her days before she reached the base of the mountains the Temple was hidden within. So she told Lapis, over the kitchen counter of Steven's room while the boy played outside with White.

"Do you want me to stay while she's here?," Emerald asked her.

Lapis just sighed. "You don't have to do that for me, Emma."

"I know I don't have to. But — and hear this — I want _payback_ on that idiot." Lapis couldn't hold back a chuckle.

 

 

 

Emerald ended up fighting Jasper years later. When Steven couldn't see, when Steven couldn't ask questions.

She didn’t quite grasp what made him so important.  

 

 

 

When Steven was eleven, he pulled a sword out of his gem.

Everyone ( _that is,_ Lapis and Jasper and Emma and Blue and maybe Greg) rejoiced. "We should celebrate," proposed Emerald.

Emerald and Steven sparred.

She even let him win.

Even if things weren't the same anymore, Emerald thought, watching Jasper and Lapis, at least everyone was happy now.

(Besides...

She had a good gut feeling about Steven.

Yes. Despite still missing his mother's shield...

He would be a great swordfighter.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life has been terrible every day for the last four years, but this past month i really felt like hiding under a rock forever. nonetheless, here it is.


	7. greg's been waiting all his life

Pink was lonely. Very lonely.

And despite everyone around her, it just wasn't enough.

She was a lonely gem.

Then, she heard his music.

The most lovely song she'd ever heard. 

 

Greg met Pink during one of his family's journeys to the north.

He'd been playing his guitar on the bench of some foreign park as he waited for Andy, so they both could hang out. He wasn't too good at it yet, but things were going smoothly; maybe soon he'd make a living out of it.

"What are you doing?"

Then, he saw her.

The prettiest girl he'd ever seen.

 

Pink Diamond liked his music.

Greg didn't know much about her. She didn't know much about him. And it was okay like that, at first. He played for her, she sang for him. And all was well.

Until it wasn't. Until it became obvious Pink was more than just an alien vacationing on Earth. Until it became obvious Greg was more than just a teenager with a guitar.

So they talked.

And it became more than a crush. More than a pretty girl and a boy with a guitar. 

 

 

  
  
Jasper didn't like Greg very much.

Emerald and Lapis didn't either, for that matter. None of Pink's family did, except the gigantic white one.

Oh yeah. Pink's sisters were the size of Empire City's skyscrapers. That's a fun little fact. They're also legendary alien heroes.

No wonder they didn't like him. 

 

Greg's family didn't like her either.

But they were  _tolerant_ about it, at least compared to Pink's... moms? Sisters?

But they would manage.

  
  
And the years passed.

  
  
And Pink told Greg her biggest secret, just before they ran out of time. Her biggest regret. 

 

And Steven was born.

 

Greg and the Gems decided: humans would be endangered by Steven's mere presence. Homeworld could find him. Homeworld could  _hurt_ him. Homeworld could hurt the humans around him just to achieve their goals. It just was safer for everyone.

Greg and the Gems decided: he wouldn't  _live_ near humans. Ever. Greg would do supply runs whenever needed. Lapis would stay with him and teach him the way of the Gems, alongside everyone else.

Greg and the Gems would, later on, regret this very deeply. 

 

 

 

Steven was lonely. Very lonely.

The Gems tried their best to make him happy, but it was obviously not enough.

Sometimes, Greg took him on his supply runs. He'd let him play around the parks, with other children, with pets, with birds and fish. He seemed to have a special link with them, as if he understood their words. He never mentioned it out loud, of course, and Greg never asked; he just seemed so happy when he was out with them. When everything he saw wasn't snow.

He remembers the first time they went to Beach City together. Steven was  _thrilled._ He'd managed to convince Greg to play by the ocean together.

Steven had been so happy then.

But ultimately, he was a very lonely child. And Greg could tell: it wasn't enough. 

 

 

  
  
When Steven was twelve, he learned the truth.

They had a talk. Lapis, Jasper, Emerald and Greg. White had been there too, shapeshifted to fit inside Steven's room; it had been Greg the one to tell him.

Pink Diamond, Steven's mother, had shattered Rose Quartz of the Crystal Authority. 

 

 

 

Steven ran away.

Somehow, he'd activated the Warp Pad. No one knew how he'd done that. They didn't even know he could  _do_  that.

Despite their best efforts, they couldn't find him. And it was only Greg, days later, who managed to get a hold of the boy.

He was hiding underneath a bridge near some warm, beach town.

"Steven?"

"Go away."

The air smelled like salt and sea. From there, he could see the ocean, the cargo ships in the distance, and the stars, twinkling above; the city lights dimmed the beautiful night sky.

Greg sat down next to him; it was obvious Steven had been crying, his head buried between his knees, yet somehow he could feel the frustration burning through the boy, almost scorching Greg. Boy, he really needed to start controlling his powers better.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you earlier. We wanted to make sure you could handle it. Wait until you were a little older."

Steven didn't reply, at first. So Greg kept talking.

"Your mother did things she wasn't proud of, Steven, but they were things she had to do. It was the only way Earth could be safe, you could be born... She did things no one else would."

"She  _killed_ her."

Steven's voice was laced with venom.

Greg took in a shaking breath. "Yes," he said. "She did."

Steven looked at him. His eyes were red, soaked with tears. "You should've told me. Before."

"I know." A beat. "I'm sorry."

Silence grew. The waves crashing nearby finally soothed Steven down.

"You have to tell me," the boy said. " _Everything._ I can't stand this anymore."

"Okay," he said. "What do you want to know?"

 

 

Steven was a very lonely child.

But perhaps history shouldn't repeat itself.

Perhaps it wouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life sucks.  
> i actually wrote this chapter a while ago. i just didn't post it because ~executive disfunction~  
> anyway. there's about five chapters left. maybe six. thanks for reading!


	8. nephrite's eyes went dark

Steven brought her back when he was thirteen.

She didn't understand. She didn't remember. At first.

She had only known darkness before that. For the longest time. Pain. Longing. And then— she remembered Steven feeding her chips, on a chilly spring morning.

And then had come the light.

Steven taught her how to talk and write. He wasn't too good in Gem language, but then again, neither was she. They struggled together, and that comforted her. Steven also taught her all sort of things: how to play 'video games', how to cook, how to dance, how to meditate, how to have fun.

In exchange, she helped him sneak away from the base when she could. She knew how much he liked being around humans; it made no sense that his family (their family) still restricted their interaction so heavily, and even with Greg's aid, it was so hard.

When Steven was around, there was no static in her head. In her.

Emerald was the first to trust her with anything, besides Steven. She taught her how to fly; once she was in the cockpit, everything felt natural and it was all okay.

Slowly, Lapis came around to her. Lapis was nice. Lapis liked playing pranks on others. She taught Nephrite (that was her name, wasn't it?) all about them. She taught her all she knew about humans: their history, their culture. Nephrite appreciated that.

But Jasper wanted nothing to do with her. Nephrite, somehow, understood. It wasn't easy, seeing the failures of your loved ones return.

The Diamonds were distant. Lapis had explained to her that they were mourning, and being in the Temple brought them pain. When first meeting them, Nephrite thought there was something missing.

And then Jasper talked to her.

The missing link was Pink Diamond.

Steven.

It all slowly began making sense.

 

 

 

 

 

But at the same time...

It just was unfair. To Steven. Wasn't it?

She didn't know much of anything. She barely knew herself anymore.

But it didn't seem fair to him. They don't let him meet friends, but they don't stay with him?

It was almost as if he were a prisoner.

Did they not notice? Just how broken he was?

Were they so blinded by the pain they couldn't see how much he was hurting?

 

 

She didn't understand.

Steven didn't either. He said he did, every time he was caught sneaking out, but really, she could feel the frustration boiling under his skin. Often, she saw him cry in silence.

But she couldn't do anything. They didn't trust her at all. Not even Emerald, not even Lapis.

_(Because there was static in her head)_

What could she do? How was she supposed to help?

 

 

 

The opportunity to help him came when he turned fourteen.

He was a mess. He'd fought with Emerald just before, and he'd run away  _again_ into the cold night. The Gems worried, so Nephrite joined in and helped them look for him.

Between the snowy peaks, she found him.

Bloody on the ground. Coughing, wheezing for air.

(Nephrite had to make sure she wasn't making things up. It sometimes happened; the static in her head would tell her things that weren't true, show her things that weren't real. But there was no static when Steven was around.)

There was another Gem there. One she'd never seen before, but somehow, she still felt so  _familiar._  Blonde hair down to her shoulders. Behind her visor, green eyes and a triangular gemstone. A star on her uniform, floating fingers all around.

Her foot over Steven's gemstone, threatening to crack it at any moment. 

He cried in pain. She asked him things he didn't know the answer to.

There was no static in her head.

There were tears running down his face.

So Nephrite lunged at her.

Drew out her knives for the first time. (Was it really the first time? It just felt so natural.)

And attacked. 

 

 

Nephrite didn't understand.

But as he traced her face from his couch, half asleep and still recovering, she felt at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting to the people that never knew pink.  
> next up: shit goes down


	9. amethyst has lost her halo

Blue and Yellow Pearl felt the light and the warmth of reforming suddenly envelope them, and fear invaded them.

The second their feet touched the ground they pulled out their weapons. Here's the thing, though— there was no one there. Just the two of them.

"What the eff is going on," Yellow groaned. Blue just looked at her nervously, her dagger glowing white under the ultraviolet light. "How did— Where's everyone, Pearl?"

"I don't know, Pearl." She seemed very scared, but also... suspicious, which was probably new for the rockhead.

"Okay. This is very bad. This is  _so_  very bad. Alright. Um. They'll come for us." Yellow put her knife down, still alert and pretending she wasn't about to have a damn panic attack. "Neph won't just leave us to rot. Let's— let's figure a way out of here, wherever  _here_  is."

"I'm afraid you won't be going  _anywhere_."

An entire wall lit up, startling the twin Gems. It was—

Fuck.

It was the Prime Amethyst, all soft violets and sharp lines and stylish capes.

And she was  _angry._

"Your friends are dead. The Diamonds too. You  _belong_ to the Authority now, as you always should have."

"Fuck you!" Upon registering her, Blue pulled up her dagger and pointed it at the screen. "Let us out, you Authority piece of trash!"

"Since you said nothing about _the happening at Crystal System Earth,_ during your interrogation three decacycles ago," the Prime Amethyst sentenced, "Prime Sapphire believed solitary confinement might make you two feel...  _better._ "

"What the eff is she talking about?"

Suddenly, a door opened. It was—

The Prime Amethyst herself, escorted by a sea of Agates.

"You're shorter in person," Blue said, shivering in her presence but trying to lighten the mood.

The Prime Amethyst smirked. And then, she pulled her whip out.

They didn't last ten seconds. 

 

 

Blue woke up alone.

Yellow woke up alone.

 

 

When she'd sent Peridot 5XG to  _that planet,_ she hadn't been expecting much. Maybe it had just been wishful thinking.

But it all went downhill when she received signals from a particular escape pod drifting through space from that hideous rock.

(The planet where she'd been born. The planet where Rose had died. The planet where they'd lost so much.)

Earth.

Upon rescue, Peridot said:

"I was forced to terminate the Cluster."

"By  _whom,_ " questioned Amethyst, growing increasingly annoyed.

Peridot hesitated, but ended up talking. "They called themselves the Diamonds. They— they were giants. There were other Gems with them. And humans."

But Amethyst had heard enough.

There had been  _survivors_ on Earth, all this time.

The Diamonds lived.

_Pink Diamond_ lived.

"Ugh..."

She could already hear Sapphire's rant, but she didn't mind. Right now, she had more pressing matters at hand.

(Like turning that murderous piece of chalk into dust.)

 

 

 

 

It wouldn't be easy. Peridot's reports had been destroyed, as she no longer had her limb enhancers, and the only records available were from the ship's landing point and the escape pod's distress signal. There was no other way to prove the Rebellion lived beside the words of a low-ranking Peridot who insisted Pink Diamond, the shatterer of the Great Rose Quartz, was nothing more than a weird human now.

But if there was even the slightest of possibilities it was true, then they had to assume it was certain.

Sap— _Garnet_ had insisted they take things slowly. Pearl had been too distraught by the  _idea_ of seeing that clod again that she broke down crying.

_(like usual)_

But Amethyst was determined. Amethyst had a plan. It wasn't necessarily flawless, but she could deal with that on the go.

So she asked the Peridot, cycles later: "what does Pink Diamond like?"

The Peridot was confused, at the very least, but she answered anyway. "He's not like a Gem, Glorious Prime. At all."

"'He'?"

"Humans have a wider gender spectrum than that of Gems. The human Pink Diamond identifies as a 'boy', or a male."

"I see."  _That's so dumb._ "Continue."

"A— Very well. He really enjoys menial things, such as 'cartoons' or 'music'. He is still in a developmental, juvenile stage of the human lifespan. It is usually marked by chemical imbalances in the brain that cause everything from mood swings to growth spurs and changes in voice. Specifically, he's almost sixteen earth years of age, so he is in the middle of the entire process. He in particular... is very fond of humans and craves social interaction and independence. It seems he has lived a very secluded lifestyle. All his relationships with humans are meaningful to him."

"So," Amethyst inquired, "would he surrender if his loved ones were in danger?"

"Most likely, yes.

 

 

 

Suddenly, Blue wasn't alone anymore.

Suddenly, Yellow wasn't alone anymore.

It had been so painfully long. Centuries (maybe even more), completely isolated from any stimulation. Isolated from each other, even.

The second the Prime Amethyst entered, they wept. And she smiled.

"I have a mission for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're nearing the end.  
> (mental health issues? don't know them. we doin sad attempts at self care in 2018. my depression is cured and i just wrote all chapters except one + the epilogue, which should come SOON)  
> amethyst kinda works the way yellow diamond does in canon. she's a little less serious, but having to take over rose's area took a toll on her and now she's just a small bitter ball of sarcasm and rage.  
> the pearls i imagine were very close to centi, but were captured sometime during the war. pink pearl is probably dead lmao  
> also isolation is a terrible thing to one's head  
> next chapter has steven in it... talkin. fuckin finally


	10. green pearl will set her soul on fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the betrayal.

I remember the look on his face, bathing in moonlight and drenched in seawater.

Hurt. Betrayal.

"What— What do you mean? Pearl?"

I am bigger than him. I am bigger than everyone.

I don't want to do it. But I fear— I fear the Mother of Pearl's wrath. I fear what the Prime Pearl will think of me, what she'll tell the Mother of Pearl about me. I fear the Prime Amethyst, and the Prime Garnet. I fear what they will do to my friends.

 _Pink Diamond is our friend_.

Pink Diamond is dead. This isn't Pink Diamond.

_He's better than Pink Diamond._

_He doesn't deserve this._

It doesn't matter if he deserves it. I'm still going to do it.

For Nephrite's sake.

For Lapis and Jasper's.

For Emerald.

For whoever remains after I am gone.

From stardust we come, and into stardust we'll turn. 

 

 

I remember the look on his face, bathing in moonlight and drenched in seawater. 

I'm sorry. 

Steven will be on Homeworld by his eighteenth birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double chapter! keep reading!!!


	11. pearl just wants to cry a little bit longer

Above all else, Pearl wanted Pink Diamond  _dead._

Of course, her emotions always overcame her. She was just grieving. She wanted to see the one responsible  _pay._ All those centuries grieving— the loss of her lover.

Rose had just been too busy maintaining order in Homeworld to bother with a Colony. It seemed ironic to Pearl how, after getting her first world, she'd be struck down by the Ancient Knight.

Stupid Ancients. Couldn't they see? The pain they'd brought all of Homeworld?

Pearl wanted her to pay. Her numbers were in red; she  _owed_ her.

However.

Pearl was not a murderer.

Pearl would  _not_ kill someone innocent just to have some closure. And this— child, this creature, wasn't her.

It was blatantly obvious. She'd met Pink Diamond, once, as they worked on peace treaties. (It hadn't worked because) Pink Diamond was a bratty, devilish bitch. The hybrid in front of her certainly was bratty and a bitch too, but he seemed like someone who could be genuinely nice if it weren't for the awful circumstances he was in. Pink Diamond had fought a war without ever stopping, doing terrible, awful things; when ordered to shatter Green Pearl, who'd  _betrayed_  him and led him to his doom, the child had broken down into hysterical sobbing.

Because he was a child, Peridot herself had insisted on it. He was a child and something in her felt sick when she made him do those things. He could  _not_ be Pink Diamond.

But Amethyst insisted he was her. And some things not even a Zircon could fix.

So she requested to talk to him, alone.

When she entered his cell, he barely looked up. His eyes were reddened and puffy, his hair disheveled and his clothes crinkled. The bracelet on his wrist stopped him from summoning weapons, shapeshifting or literally anything that came to Gems as naturally as breathing.

A true Gem would never have such a miserable appearance.

"What do you want?" His voice was rough and bitter. At the very least, Pearl thought, he  _sounded_ like her. "I was busy doing  _literally anything else_."

"I want to talk to you," Pearl said, sitting next to him. She folded her hands over her legs and sighed.

"Well, I don't wanna talk to  _you_."

"Why is that?"

"Let's see," he looked up, suddenly angrier. With every thing he mentioned, he rose up a finger. "You manipulated me,  _kidnapped_ my friends, threatened to kill them, threatened to kill  _me_ , took me prisoner because of shit I  _didn't do,_ and now I'm stranded on some shitty planet because my mom killed someone and fucked up my life. So I'm  _sorry_ I don't wanna talk to the alien overlords that got me on death row."

That made sense, at least. "But would you have come if we hadn't taken you?"

The child just glared at her and pretended she didn't just say that. "If you're going to kill me anyway, would you just do it already?"

"I'm not going to kill you."

He scoffed. "Sure you're not."

So they just sat there, in silence. Pearl rested her head against the wall and stared at the ceiling. Everything was so  _blue,_ she really had to tell Sapphire to calm down a little.

She glanced at him. He was fiddling with a loose thread of his 'sweatshirt', staring into the opposite wall; he caught her gaze and squinted at her. "What are you  _looking_ at?"

She didn't reply, at first. "Regarding you," she said then, "you look a little like her. But it's obvious you're not her."

"No shit."

"Pardon?"

"I've been telling you all this shit the  _second_ I got kidnapped by you guys. What led you to this  _shocking_  revelation, Sherlock?"

She didn't get what he was saying, but only frowned before replying. "You are just too different from her. Gems don't  _change,_ not drastically, and in just— what, five hundred? Five hundred years. In that time you've turned into an entirely different being. It's just not possible."

Steven rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything else.

"But Amethyst doesn't believe you," Pearl continued, "neither does Garnet. That's  _three_ versus one. So I guess you know where I'm going with this."

"Just get on with it." He lifted his shirt, revealing the glittery pink gemstone stuck into his body. She flinched away from it.

"What? I said I would not kill you!"

"What did you even want coming in here then?" He pulls down his shirt in one quick, angry sweep. "Closure? Revenge? Maybe you wanted to convince yourself that you're not a bad person, but guess what,  _you're_  fucking awful, and so are all your  _friends_ , and  _my_ friends, and  _me,_ because we're all pieces of shit!"

"I just wanted to—"

"To  _what!_ I'm  _sick_ of everyone lying to me and manipulating me!" A wave of red bled through the room, and Pearl's breathing hitched. She  _felt_ it, his feelings: fear, anger, betrayal, insecurity. The fact that it had somehow bypassed the security bracelet scared her even more.  "I bet— I bet you're doing that too. You're just  _toying_ with me. Well,  _not anymore!_ "

"I'm just trying to help!"

"If you really wanted to help  _maybe_ you could just kill me so I don't have to deal with this bullshit anymore!"

"Stop that!"

He glared at her. His pink eyes glowed ultraviolet under the blue lights.

He was crying.

"You dumb  _organic_." Pearl stood up, outraged; maybe a little of the red wave had seeped into her own feelings too. She felt herself trembling with anger. "I can't save you.  _Rose_ would have tried, but I think it's impossible. Goodbye."

And she stormed out of the room. 

 

 

 

Steven stood in front of the Authority.

His hands shook with pent-up frustration. His eyes were tired and the just wanted to get over it.

The Authority was talking.

He hoped they'd just shatter him quickly.

Pearl looked at him.

She squinted.

He got the feeling this wouldn't be as easy as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so um my phone might have died so updates might get slow. thanks for reading lol


	12. garnet will never sing of love

Garnet glanced over the experiment results and suppressed a sigh.

It was already four earth weeks since the start of the experimentation, and all they were doing was break Subject-127X's soft body and mind over and over. She didn't understand the purpose of this, it was obvious they wouldn't ever get to a different outcome. 127X would heal, rather quickly actually, then they'd break him again.

He'd already grown resigned to it.

Garnet watched all experiments on 127X through a screen. Sometimes, when they were finished breaking his bones one by one, he sobbed and cried out names and apologies. Garnet wondered if there was someone that meant very much to him, the way Ruby and Sapphire cared about each other.

Love, Freedom, Pride. The original phrase of the Crystal Authority, the words Rose used to win over debates and people with. It was right then, watching over her sworn enemy, that Garnet thought: doesn't he love too? Doesn't he miss the freedom he once had?

(The reports said he hadn't had much of that on Earth, but it was  _something_.)

((More than this.))

Would Rose have approved of this?

Garnet decided she didn't want to know.   
  
  


Ruby and Sapphire talked.

They couldn't stay fused all the time, no; Amethyst, despite it all, got confused about it a lot, and Pearl would insist it was fine, but truly, Garnet knew she just felt broken over what could have been.

So they often talked, away from each other. Sapphire and Ruby, the Prime Duo.

"We've tested his healing abilities deeply already, haven't we? Maybe it's time we move onto something else."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Perhaps summoning? Shapeshifting? Maybe even fusion."

"Maybe. But he still has the bracelet. He's already summoned that knife though."

"You're right. The bracelet barely does anything to him." It scared Sapphire how powerful he actually was. If he wanted, he could make a run for it and even escape.

_Why hadn't he done so yet?_

"He's grown indifferent," Sapphire realized then. 

Suddenly, the door burst open. A disheveled Citrine rushed into it, and though obviously nervous, she had pressing matters at hand. "Glorious Prime—"

"Get all available soldiers in the quadrant ready," Sapphire quickly said, standing up from her chair. "I'm trusting you. Ruby, let's fuse."

Ruby didn't really get what exactly was happening, but it didn't matter much; as always, as soon as Garnet was back, things would become crystal clear. "Uh, okay."

By the time the Citrine left, Garnet was already reaching the command deck.

Sapph had seen an invasion. 

Sapph had _seen_...

A fusion, just like her.

Garnet felt bitter about it, but if she wanted to be herself, if she wanted to protect Amethyst and Pearl, if she wanted to protect Rose's legacy, she couldn't allow it to win.

 

Would Rose have approved of this?

Garnet decided she didn't want to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this chapter so much. have it. if i keep looking at it i'll scream.  
> update tomorrow bc this was so short :(


	13. peridot & co. don't wanna lose their lives

**— — —PERIDOT**

It wasn't her fault.

She remembered; the shivering creature inside the cage. How he'd looked at her like there was nothing ahead of him. How he'd  _sobbed_ when she'd returned to him what remained of his clothes, struggling to even form a basic sentence. How he'd actually (literally) burst with rage and stabbed a Ruby with a dagger pulled from thin air the second she'd laid hands on her.

She remembered him. She remembered the Rebels. She remembered all of it. She remembered feeling those emotions too, even as she escaped back to Homeworld after fixing the Cluster.

It wasn't her fault she'd been ordered to experiment on him.

(The one who'd trusted her.)

Such emotion was almost unheard of in Homeworld. She'd never seen anyone cry before him. What could one expect? She hadn't had the chance on Earth, she just  _had_  to see where this would lead.

So she'd waited for the right moment. Sent messages to Earth. And when the time came, a month after his capture, she'd broken him out.

It was a  _bad_ idea. A  _terrible_ one, if you might. But somehow, they made it.

It wasn't her fault, she told herself. It wasn't his fault, she told him. It wasn't their fault, she told her associates.

It wasn't. Right?

 

 

**— — —AQUAMARINE**

The hybrid was gross.

It sweated and constantly needed food. It cried and, when pierced, would leak a strange red fluid that smelled too much like iron to be pleasant. It almost made her dizzy.

It certainly wasn't meant for captivity. 

It was, after all, part Gem.

So it was only natural that she'd help Peridot.

Peridot and her knew each other. Trusted each other. When the Authority had failed them, they'd had each other's backs.

(Aquamarine remembered.

A time before the Authority.

She'd been so young, but she remembered. Things that Peridot didn't know of.

She wanted to show her.)

But the hybrid freaked out in the middle of the battle. It was disorientated and lost and confused and his breathing was harsh and his eyes unfocused— and there were deaths all around and the rebel fusion screamed— and Aquamarine kept pushing forward, pulling everyone with her. 

And despite it all, as they guided hybrid with her limb enhancers towards the rebel ship, the giant fusion ( _Malachite,_ Aquamarine reminded herself,  _its name is Malachite_ ) and the other rebels helping them escape, she cringed.

The hybrid, after all, was part human too.

 

 

**— — —TOPAZ**

Topaz was too much of a sentimental, it seemed.

Aquamarine would always tell her so. But Topaz had Topaz to reassure Topaz: Aquamarine was just too dry. Too cynical, like Peridot.

Despite it all, Aqua and Topaz and Topaz were very close. And sometimes the Authority asked about that. She could feel it; their fear, their  _disgust._

But Topaz wasn't a fan of the Authority.

So when the time came. When Aquamarine told her it wasn't an order, but a petition to save the hybrid, Topaz accepted.

And when she met the rescued boy, well... She couldn't just say no.

But the war was raging on. Everyone was fighting and pushing and it all seemed too much. But Topaz and Topaz had a job to do. They couldn't fail their friends.

Topaz was just too much of a sentimental.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all chapters are officially done now. next chapter is the longest one of them. i hope you'll like them.  
> next up: sad kids dealing with stuff


	14. connie has taken her glasses off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter deals with heavy stuff, like depression, and sui attempts, and trauma and homeworld being garbage and sad, angry kids being sad and angry and justifiedly so. sowwy

Connie never knew Pink Diamond, but she still was upset about her. She didn't know why.

Connie met Steven when he was 16. She had just turned 15 then. It had been weird; she'd been thinking of the end, and he'd been her new beginning. She'd been hanging out near the lighthouse, alone as always, and then—

It was like her feet were moving on her own.

(Why wasn't there a fence? It was very dangerous. Children could get hurt.)

((Connie was a child.))

She stared at the ocean.

(It wasn't the first time. An accidental OD. An intentional OD.)

(She was tired. So, so tired.)

A storm was brewing up.

She'd sighed, closed her eyes; and then—

"Are you alright?"

There he was. So tiny (though he was almost her height) and yet so concerned. The wind was howling, and he stepped towards her.

"Do you need any help?," he repeated; his voice was soft and reminded her, somehow, of home.

He wore, exceptionally, almost nothing for the weather. Just a t-shirt and some jeans. And some dumb, cartoon-themed sneakers.

(Maybe  _she_ was the one overdressed for the occasion.)

((It was almost winter.))

She stepped away from the edge. "I'm alright," she said, a little too quickly. The boy didn't believe her, but he let her be for the time being.

"I've seen you before," she said then. "You're the kid that's always with those weird ladies. You're friends with Peedee."

He'd nodded. "Yeah. I'm Steven."

(He was as tired as her.)

Raindrops began falling over their heads.

((He was a child, too.))

"I'm Connie."

 

 

 

Steven was childish. And sweet. And upsetting. And  _unsettling_.

He'd transferred to her school a couple months back, at the start of the school year. Despite looking  _absolutely cool_ (he had dyed pink streaks on his hair, how awesome was that?) he always hung out with Peedee and his group. It was almost like he didn't want to stand out. Which wasn't working anyway.

He would leave school with his family; sometimes a blue lady would come for him, other times it was a green woman with a sidecut and a cool jacket. Sometimes it was a huge, orange girl on a motorcycle, or it just was his father, the musician that sometimes played on Beachapalooza. Either way, he always hurried away with them, not saying goodbye to almost anyone.

And the things he could do? One time he shielded a kid from bullies. Like, literally. He pulled a shield out of thin air and pushed the bully so hard into the lockers they  _dented._ One could feel, somehow, when he was upset; you'd see a circle of kids around him crying, or pouting, or laughing, or stressed out. And that was just a  _fraction_ of what he could do. Most incredibly, he always got perfect marks on tests.  _Well,_ Connie thought, remembering that one time he broke down crying during a final,  _almost always perfect._

But he was more than that.

She'd never expected the boy from her chemistry class to be so gentle. And kind. And  _afraid_.

But he was courageous. He'd saved her from certain death... more than once.

She learned to swordfight to pay him back. She learned to defend herself and others — for him. She'd learned advanced Gem engineering to help him and Emerald with Peridot's weird ship, with the Drill, with the Cluster itself.

When they formed Stevonnie, she felt his pain, his struggles; he was as broken as she was, and that made them complete. She loved being Stevonnie. She loved hanging out with Steven. She loved fighting alongside him.

Steven was an enigma. All the Rebels were. Sometimes he was open and devilish and sometimes he was... sad. Sometimes he was so  _entitled_ and self-righteous and outright petty, sometimes he was selfless and borderline suicidal, willing to sacrifice himself for others' sake. And sometimes he was just angry, so  _so_  angry. He truly believed he deserved everything and nothing at the same time.

Steven was a crybaby. Steven was an idiot. Steven was desperate. Steven was alone. So, so alone.

And then Connie appeared in his life.

She felt it, when they formed Stevonnie; he felt whole with her too.

Sometimes that wasn't enough.

 

 

 

One night, Steven went missing.

The Gems came to her house, looking for him. They were tired, Connie could tell. She told them he'd come back soon, probably; he never went away for more than a week.

But then a week passed.

And another one.

And Connie refused to cry. 

 

 

 

The first time Steven really spoke of Pink Diamond was when she was almost 17.

When you're 16, the world feels like it's ending.

But Connie felt her emotions were justified. The world  _literally_ was ending.

It was a cold September night. Steven had come back, suddenly showing up at her doorstep that night. Her mom had been hesitant to let him stay the night, wanting to call the Gems first, but she eventually let him in; he'd looked so  _broken_ anyway.

He wore a sweater over what was left of his favorite shirt and some torn-up jeans. He was missing a sneaker and his sock had a hole in his big toe. His right eye— no, the right side of his  _face_ was bruised. His hands shook every time anything moved unexpectedly. He didn't have dinner with them. He didn't let Connie's dad lend him some old pajamas. He didn't even accept a glass of water. He pretended he slept on the couch and didn't say a word.

((How can he actually _sleep_  when every time he closes his eyes he sees their faces? He feels the pain again?))

"I just came back," he managed to say, when she sneaked out from her bedroom at midnight to see him. He stared into nothingness with empty eyes. "From space."

 _Oh,_ Connie thinks.  _Oh._

"How was it?," Connie asked after a pause, not really knowing what to say.

Steven began  _laughing_. "It was," he said, actually laughing and crying and sobbing and breaking down, "pretty bad, actually, they don't— they don't even have wi-fi—"

One cup of tea and one explanation to her parents later, she sat next to him and listened. Just— listened.

They'd taken him, he'd said. Abducted. Because they thought he was his mom, and his mom was some sort of war criminal. And he'd paid for everything she'd done.

(She saw the scars under Steven's sweater and a chill ran down her spine.)

They had cracked Emerald, he said. And Lapis. Jasper was devastated. He'd only made it back alive because some Gems had broken him out.

He showed her his Gem. A crack ran deeply through it; when Connie traced it with her finger, she could tell Steven was holding back the pain.

"Does it hurt?," she asked anyway, because even though she already knew what Steven would say, she still wanted to see if he would lie to her face about it.

And of  _course_ he did.

"Nothing I can't handle," he said, hiding behind a smile. "I'm okay, though," he continued, brushing her questioning look off. "I'm here, you're here. Everything is fine."

Connie had the impression he was telling that to himself. "It's not, though."

"It had to be done." He looked away. His hands were shaking. Connie didn't know if it was out of rage, frustration, desperation or if he was gonna start sobbing anytime now.

"It wasn't your fault," she said. "You didn't deserve what they did to you."

"No," he said. "It was my mom's fault. And—  _I'm_ my mom. So— I deserve it."

"Are you— are you actually listening to yourself? It was  _fucked up,_ Steven, it's not okay—"

"It  _is_ okay, I—"

"Stop saying that. It's  _not_  okay! You keep saying that but  _you_  don't know what you're doing!"

It only took a little more arguing to bring Steven to tears.

It took a little more than that to talk him down. 

 

 

 

Later, when he had calmed down again (but not really; she could see the struggle through his rose eyes, like the stormy ocean from the day they met), they talk, not really looking at each other.

"What was your mom like?"

He breathed through his nose, remembered what Blue had taught him.  _It's okay. You'll be okay. Just breathe._

"Blue says she was gentle, and sweet, and basically a saint. Yellow says she was a piece of shit." Steven chuckled at this. "White... White doesn't talk too much about her. Dad says she was lovely, and just so understanding and kind and charming. Jasper says she was beautiful and incredibly annoying. And  _perfect_."

He spat out the last word as if it was poison.

"What about the others?"

"Emerald hates her. Lapis says she's alright with her, but I don't believe her. Neph doesn't remember much of anything... And the Gems we've brought back don't really trust me anyway."

"...How do  _you_ feel about her?"

Steven didn't answer. Instead, he looked out through the window.

 

 

 

"I don't understand."

Steven's voice brought her back from her sleep. Had she fallen asleep? She hadn't noticed.

"Understand what?"

"Why do you keep hanging out with me?"

Connie sat up again. Looked straight into his eyes. "Because you're my friend."

"I shouldn't be. I'm just— endangering you." He sighed, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "I shouldn't even have come here. I should have stayed inside the base— lived with the Gems. Would've been safer—"

"Will you stop, Steven? That's literally a lie."

"But I'm  _right!_ ," he insisted, his eyes dark. "All those  _fucking_  years begging Lapis to let me live with  _people—_ all I ever did was put everyone in danger. I feel so fucking stupid. I've  _killed_ people! I—  _I—_ "

"Steven." Her words were a warning. "My parents are sleeping."

He seemed to realize he was shouting then. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

He buried his head into her shoulders. "I'm so sorry."

She sighed. "Steven—"

"I  _hate_  her. I hate my mom. I wish she hadn't had me. I'm sorry you ended up being friends with a literal replacement."

Connie could relate.

Slowly, her hands found their way to his back. They lingered on the torn wool, making small, comforting circles over his shoulder blades.

"I'd never want anyone else as my friend."

 

 

  
  
"You know how they knew to take me?"

Connie shook her head. They hadn't moved an inch.

"They wanted to take you. Onion. Lars and Sadie. Some other dudes." He started to tremble. "They wanted my dad."

She didn't reply. She just let him talk it out.

"They  _manipulated_ me, made me think they were my  _friends_ — and I fell for it! Because I'm an idiot. And it blew up in my face, and—"

He paused, catching his breath.

"I didn't tell anyone, they— they would've gotten hurt. They did anyway. But at least— at least you're safe."

She spoke then. "I'm not a child, Steven. I can protect myself."

"You don't  _get_ it, Connie, I— they're not what I thought." (She caught a glimpse of the skin underneath the sweater once more; from that close, she could actually see how  _fresh_ the wounds were, how raw his skin looked.) "We don't stand a chance. We're all going to— fucking die."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"They're coming, Connie. They're not going to stop now."

She'd never seen him so scared before. Not even when they fought that gigantic corrupted Fusion.

"We're screwed."

 

 

 

"Run away with me."

It was almost dawn.

"Where would we go?"

"I don't know."

The idea died as quickly as it was born. 

Maybe she imagined it.

 

 

 

Morning came.

Connie made him eat breakfast. He only had a quarter of a waffle and a glass of water; he looked sick after eating it. She didn't know what he'd gone through in Homeworld, maybe she shouldn't push her luck.

"Does your family know you're here, Steven?"

Mrs. Maheswaran was looking at him.

They all were.

Slowly, Steven glanced down.

"Do you want me to call them?"

Steven shook his head. "I don't want to talk to them."

"I'm sure they must be worried about you."

Steven only shrunk into himself in response. Mrs. Maheswaran didn't push it, either.

After breakfast, Steven decided he should go. He wasn't going to go home yet. He later told Connie he was afraid of what they'd think of him, scared of their reaction. Connie thought that was silly, considering how much they loved him, but she didn't say that to him.

"Just promise me one thing," Connie said, as he stood in her doorway. He stopped on his steps and looked at her.

"Yeah?"

"You'll come back. I mean— Like Archimicarus in  _Overneath the Underworld_ when Lisa loses her eye and— you know." She looked into his eyes, holding back her fears. "Promise me you'll come back."

Steven stood there, completely static for a moment. And then; it was as if his face lighted up, for the first time in the whole day, and even though the black circles, dirtiness and malnutrition caved into his face, he looked like the Steven who'd saved her life, like the boy she'd fallen for.

"I'll try," he said, smiling weakly.

Connie never knew Pink Diamond, but she still was upset about her.

She knew why.

Deep down, she'd always known; every time she looked at Steven she knew.

Steven was  _not_ her. And he'd suffered so much because of her.

He was a child. A child should not be fighting wars the adults made.

(And no, being eighteen doesn't make you any _less_ of a child.)

((He was tired. So, so tired.))

(It was obvious to anyone who dared look.)

But, Connie thought, if a war was imminent, she would not let him fight it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just one left.  
> this is... my favorite chap..................................


	15. steven's tight at the end of his rope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "After Laughter is about the look on people's faces when they're done laughing. If you watch somebody long enough, there's always this look that comes across their face when they're done smiling, and I always find it really fascinating to wonder what it is that brought them back to reality. So, that's what After Laughter is."

Steven doesn't come home. For a while, he just— walks. Feels the sand as his toes sink into it. Feels the cool breeze messing with his hair.

He feels the static in his head, the fuzziness running through his veins, the pulsating pain from his gemstone, but he ignores it all.

He tears off his sweater; he's drenched in sweat and blood. He sinks into the water and flinches when his wounds (still fresh, very fresh) start burning. But he holds it down, welcomes the sting; he's endured so much of it already.

And then he swims. Dives as deep as he can, shapeshifting his lungs to hold more air, as much as they possibly can, and then floats back to the surface. The sun falls quickly, and by the time the moon rises he's sitting by the shore, bathing on the pale light.

It must be close to midnight when he decides to stand up. The small businesses by the boardwalk have closed hours ago, and he's exhausted, he wants to sleep, but the only kind of rest he could possibly endure right now is the kind of rest he promised Connie he wouldn't doze into. So he starts walking. He doesn't know where he's going, but he walks.

He finds the old beach temple. It's not actually a temple, just a gigantic statue of a Fusion, his house covering the cavern that sheltered the Warp Pad. Upon entering, he sees the crystalline device, but Steven doesn't activate it; he just sits on it and thinks.

The ceiling of the ancient cave looked like a starry night. He wonders, head dizzy and chest tight, if anything of what he'd done had been worth anything. The pain, the emptiness he'd felt. The absolute loneliness from home, all those years.

Steven decides it doesn't matter right now.

He steps into his bathroom. Emerald had helped him and his dad install it. He strips, slowly, and stares into the mirror; the crack on his gemstone sends shivers all over his body. He ignores the ache shooting from it as he showers, and slips into actual, clean clothes. He stares at the mirror again. He looks like shit, but like  _clean_ shit, so he puts on a hoodie too so he doesn't have to look at himself by accident.

So he steps out of the bathroom.

The house is a wreck. He didn't notice before, but now he sees it; the single bed's a mess, and so's the kitchen, there's broken glass from the shattered windows on the floor and one of his four chairs from the tiny dining table is torn into pieces. Green must have gone in there looking for him before she took him. (He feels like an idiot). 

He flops onto the bed and stares into his pillow.

He sees the Green Pearl looking at him in disdain. He sees Peridot pulling him through a battlefield. He sees Malachite collapsing into dust.

He thinks he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knows, Jasper is shaking him awake, and the ghosts of Homeworld haunt his every breath.

"Dude." Jasper looks at him, trying to mask off her concern as amusement. She lifts her right arm and he notices the bag of takeout she's holding. "Brought you breakfast."

They talk once Steven has stopped crying. He sits on his bed, silently chewing on some soggy pancakes Jasper got from like a diner or something. He really has to tell her to just bring the syrup with her. Soggy pancakes suck almost as much as a messy burrito. No one wants a messy burrito.

Oh, goodness, what is his life?

"How is everyone?"

"Alive." Jasper lowers her gaze from the ceiling. There's a hole there, she's gonna have to patch that up. "Bubbled, mostly."

"I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault, dude. Stop that."

"It was, though." Steven's staring into his socks, hands trembling with something Jasper can't decipher. "If I hadn't been captured... Green, she tricked me so easily."

"She tricked  _all_ of us, Steven. We didn't even realize because we were so happy to have her back.  _It wasn't your fault._ "

"But I should have said something. I... I could have stopped her. Looked for you guys. And I just—"

"Steven."  

"I should have done more." His voice is soft, almost a whisper. Jasper feels a knot forming in her throat. "I  _could_ have done more, if I just weren't— such a failure." He plops back into the bed, wincing as he falls onto his wounds but refusing to acknowledge it any further.

Jasper rolls her eyes at this. " _Steven_. You literally gave yourself up for our sake. Knowing what would happen. And you just made it through purely out of  _spite_. You could have  _died_  out there."

"It would have been worth it. For them, for— for everyone, I would have done  _anything_. But I didn't. Because I'm not like you, I'm just—"

"Like me?"

And Steven  _looks_ at Jasper, and she swears she's having a stroke, because he looks and sounds and moves and breathes just like Pink. Tired. Broken. "Like you," she'd said, "you're—"

"If you finish that sentence I think I'm gonna die."

"But—"

"Steven Diamond Universe." His name feels like lead on her tongue. "It was not your fault. If you keep insisting it was I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it's probably gonna open another hole in your wall. What happened — what they did to you was  _messed up_ , it was  _bad_ , and I'm personally gonna take you to a doctor or something so you can get help, because (believe it or not) we don't know what to do. At all. And we don't blame you for not knowing what to do either. We'll just... have to figure it out."

Steven is silent for a while. Then: "What if I don't wanna go?"

Jasper just squints at him and hopes she can squint the stupid out of him.

 

 

Jasper leaves after making him take off his shirt again. The crack on his Gem is growing, slowly, but the rest of him is healing at the very least, so that's a relief. She doesn't make him come to the Temple, so that's another relief. But he's gonna have to see a doctor. He doesn't think he's ready for that. The last doctor he had was that one Onyx and that kinda sucked. That's eventually, though, and only if he somehow survives a cracked gemstone.

He feels like he's gonna die because of that. It hurts a lot. But what can he do? Jasper doesn't know what to do, the Diamonds don't know, not even Peridot or her friends would know. He's fucked and he knows it.

So he grabs a bunch of money (because Green didn't give a shit about that when wrecking his house, thankfully), goes into the Warp Pad and gets the fuck out of there. Clean up? He's not gonna do  _that_ , that's  _lame_ and he might  _die_ , everyone, so he's gonna do something cool instead. 

Where to go, you ask? Okay, so first he goes to fucking  _Disneyland_ and gets on fucking rollercoasters and simulators and that weird  _Cars_ racing thing and he  _wins_. And then he goes sightseeing to Korea because he's not been there in AGES and holy shit Panama City is so modern but then underneath all the fancy buildings there are slums? And he goes to the movies and buys a bunch of popcorn and those cookies Connie always sneaks in and watches that weird fish-banging movie and absolutely adores it. And then he goes to Empire City and he gets on the tallest building as the sun comes down and his Gem aches so badly but he can't bring himself to care.

And the week goes by like that. He's sitting on the Big Donut's big donut (not the one at Beach City. Turns out it's a franchise) when he sees Blue underneath him. She's shapeshifted into a human-sized version of herself, and he remembers when she'd hold him as a child, and his heart suddenly twists.

"There you are! Where have you been?" 

He grins, stuffing another bite of sugar and sprinkles into his mouth. She looks relieved. "Sightseein'," he says, swallowing after the fact. Blue chuckles at this.

"Wanna come home now, sweetheart?" 

Steven looks at her. Beneath her easy smile, she's tired, and lost.

Steven smiles. He wonders, between the sugar high and his new makeup, if she'll notice how his eyes don't shine like they used to. How he hasn't slept in days. How the nightmares haunt him, how the pain grows and grows and refuses to leave, like a weed on concrete.

He wonders if he looks tired and lost too, but he says, as gently as he can, "sure."

 

 

His doctor is a friend of Connie's mom, so he trusts her. Sorta. Not really, at first. But she bribes him with cookies and god, they're Oreo Thins, how can he resist? So he decides he'll only talk when food is involved. She feeds him, he tells her the awful things that Homeworld did to him. Like that time a Ruby punched him straight on the Gem and he wanted to punch her back but was high on some weird space drug and couldn't feel his arms, so he sorta kicked her instead and got beat up for it. And she helps him through with that, even if he feels like maybe he's exaggerating? Even though Connie tells him he's not.

Ah, yes. Connie's still there. She really fucking stayed with him. The absolute madwoman.

(He absolutely adores her.)

(He wonders what his life would be like if she weren't there.)

(He wonders if there would ever be a life to be lived without her.)

His crack is still growing. It kinda split into three now, and he's in pain about it all the time, but Jasper says he has to go back to school, so he does, and everyone's treating him like he's a legend or something when in reality he might die sooner than later. Connie tries to pretend it's all normal, but sometimes she holds onto him like he might vanish again and her eyes get watery and he feels like crap about it.

Peridot is working on a fix for Lapis and Emma. They don't know if it's gonna work on them, let alone Steven, but Aquamarine thinks it's worth the try, and Jasper and Centi are basically forcing him to do it at this point. No offense, but he'd rather die. (Too soon? Maybe. Tasteless? Perhaps.)

The doctor asks him about his mother once. This is what he says, munching on a slice of carrot cake:

"I don't fuckin' know." She looks at him like dude, seriously, I'm buying you cake, you better give me something more than that, and he concedes her wish, "okay, fuck it, I think she  _sucks_ and that I deserve an award for putting up with the shit I've been through because of her."

The doctor says, between laughter, that's good.

 

 

"Forgiveness," Connie reads from her phone. "The act of excusing an offense without penalty."

"Laaame." Steven threw one of her plushies at her, making her laugh. They're laying on her bed, reading definitions from the internet because they have nothing else to do (and honestly, Steven doesn't think he can handle the pain of standing up right now). Connie bought candy, though, so they're devouring through the bag before her mom comes back from work. "Do another one."

"Grudge, then." She looks at him from behind the screen, playful. "A persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury."

"Geez, where are you getting all these? Fake edgy blogs?" Connie looks offended for some reason. He snickers at her reaction, taking another ball of sugar and flavoring, "Connie, I have one of those. Chill." 

"After laughter." She blatantly ignores him as she continues. "Defined as the expression worn when someone is done laughing." 

"Oh, I get it. You just wanted an excuse to quote some songs."

"You  _asked_ me to do it!  _You_ just wanted to listen to me. For  _once_!" Steven laughs. Another plush toy (the frog Steven got her from Funland once) lands on her face. "Hey!"

"Hey, maybe I did!"

He's blushing a bright pink. It spreads down his face, and even his back glows rose. He bites on the next donut, grumbling. Connie chuckles at this and makes him feel so, so embarrassed, but from the corner of his eye he sees her blushing too, and he lets himself laugh once more.

"Hey, you're throwing candy all over my bed!"

"Ah! Sor — pugh!"

"If you choke to death in my bedroom after all that's happened I'm going to laugh."

"If—if I... don't get to kiss you before I die, then what's the point?"

Connie stares at him. He's wiping off spit from his chin, short of breath; his hands are filled with sticky candy and he's looking for a place to put them down so he can clean his mess.

He looks at her and blushes even harder. It's almost neon.

"What? Did... did I say something wrong? Are — are we not there yet?"

Connie's smile lightens up her entire face. "Dork."

 

 

"They will come for you."

White looks at him like the world's ending. Which it might be, actually, he's gonna die and everyone's gonna die because Homeworld is gonna kill everyone. But Steven doesn't say that. He just sits on the Snow Temple's giant hand and stares into the steely sky.

"I know."

"You understand then." Yellow is there too, avoiding his gaze. "What we have to do."

Steven nods, but his hands are shaking and he bites his lower lip to stop it from quivering. "There's no way we can be ready in time."

"We have to be. They won't stop at anything this time." White looks at him like he is her entire world. Maybe he is. He doesn't think he should be anyone's world, at all. But he doesn't say that.

"Not to be a pessimist, White, but... What can we even do?"

"We fight." Yellow's voice cracks. He's never heard her voice even waver, so he looks at her; she's as stoic as ever. "We stand up and we refuse to die off."

Steven thinks it's nice of them to think that.

"Come on," says White, placing her hand next to him, waiting for him to get on it. "Peridot is waiting."

He sighs. Takes a deep breath, and stands (it hurts to even breathe nowadays).

"Okay," he says, and steps onto White's hand.

 

 

The first thing Lapis and Emerald do when they return is hold Steven as close as possible.

(Even though the static in their heads may never leave now.)

 

 

"We could still do it, you know."

Connie's hand is intertwined with his. He glances at her, sleepy eyes glowing pink under the stars. He's so obviously confused she can't help but smile.

"Do what?," he asks, still. She looks away from him and into the night sky.

"Run away. Like you said."

The silence that follows is not too comfortable, but Connie still finds herself dozing off to Steven's increasingly fast breathing. He inhales and pulls her away from her dreams.

"It wouldn't work," he says. His left hand grazes his gemstone, slightly exposed underneath his crop top. There's still a very slim scratch on it, but nothing painful or life-threatening anymore. "They would find us no matter where we went."

"Hm."

"Connie, I—"

"We'll have to train as Stevonnie too then." She's already changed the subject. "Because we're not gonna lose."

"I — what?"

"We're going to win, Steven."

"...Well, I would hope so. Imagine if we lost. That would be so messed up."

Connie laughs, but she can feel him shivering under her grip. She sees him holding back tears, his voice trembling. And she's no different.

They're terrified. It's obvious. But still Connie laughs.

"I know, right? I want my kiss before I die at least."

Steven looks at her like she just turned blue or something. Connie lets herself grin. 

And then Steven stammers out, glowing magenta: "what, right now?"

And she feels her face grow hot when she nods.

There's a ghost of a hopeful smile behind his tear-filled eyes when he says:

"I mean... If—if you're okay with a lost cause like me, then—"

"You're not one to me," she says, and leans in.

 

 

Maybe, Stevonnie thought, they can fight too.

Maybe they can do what Steven's mother couldn't. Finish what she started. 

They stare at their hands. They let their feet sink into the sand, the breeze messing with their hair.

They think of Green. They think of the Authority, of their family. They think of Lapis, of Jasper, of Emma and Centi. They think of the kids at school and everyone in town. They think of their dads and singular mom.

Stevonnie thinks about them. Steven and Connie.

Stevonnie has to win. No matter what.

If they can fight, they must win.

Low-key, Stevonnie. No pressure.

But Stevonnie can do it.

Even if they were broken. Beaten. Torn into shreds.

Because there's still a life to be lived, and they're not gonna let Homeworld take that away too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who rewrote the entirety of the last chapter because i'm gay and needed smoochin  
> thank you for hanging out till the end of this mess. if you'd like: a [(playlist)](https://open.spotify.com/user/rosewitchx/playlist/7L2dYrJCMTLtkN0eZLnAqq?si=3qKyXcHeSHaP-k9wibeXyg)  
> I also made a bunch of drawings for this. they're garbage, but you can check em out [(here)](http://owl-15.tumblr.com/tagged/rebel-diamonds-au) if u want. i made a lot more, but since i never cleaned them out as well i'm not gonna post em anytime soon. whoops  
> thanks for reading. i hope you're happy.


End file.
